Fuku Haiku

For a while now, the non-tech board has been given to bouts of humor, disbelief, dark humor, and sometimes sequential facepalms as the FukuNuku idiocy has continued.  Ms in La has been gathering some of the day’s more notable phrases (on an infrequent and informal basis) and making these FukuHiakus from them.

FUKU HAIKU 6/28/2011

I feel like I am in the tropics tonight!
Are we getting visited by the gardeners?
AHHHHHH!!!!! NOOOO!!!!!
Not to worry. They have a tent over them
a 2,000-foot-long rubber berm
That’s the Onion right?
Veenie Facebook NOW!

Not a chance in hell I will wear that
Ohhh ..and…..BITE ME
the country’s nuclear watchdog said
He always says”bite me”
You never really hear “OMG, here comes a forest fire! Quick! In the tent!”
He always cleans his plate
Ok kids now ask your parents to support nuclear power

Spent fuel is causing headaches
Scientists say radioactive material could spread
That oughta be a hoot.
Time to go spend my mod money!
When will men learn rubber walls are not impervious?

The fire is zero percent contained
also nothing can be done to stop the meltdowns of all reactors
1 1/2 oz Malibu® coconut rum
which has a half-life of some 24,000 years
Oh yum
new plutonium poisoning treatments
Thank goodness, only a bad dream
Even The Onion can’t touch this stuff.

FUKU HAIKU 6/20/11

It’s big enough to be sucking in some Gulf water
Millions to die (video)
I think I need a drink now.
I am afraid I will have to be brutally honest
it’s the gremlins.
Like hungry fleas.
I shudder every time I see it
The river has risen at least 1.5 feet higher
all I see is the nuttin’
Almost looks like a hurricane
they haven’t seen anything like this
6.1 Santa Cruz islands east of Australia
150,000 cubic feet of water per second
I went all “Airplane!” for a while
Highest Risk Cities in California;
Bad for the 52 people
EQ’s, Floods, Meltdowns. What is the world coming too?!!!
left out wildfires …
Ah, a fly?
I love dodging kangaroos!
What is this warning?

FUKU HAIKU 6/7/11

Did you eat burritos tonight?
the hot particles (again)
It won’t cool down in our lifetimes
the soil absorbs the crap
has anyone ever told you that you look like Red Sonja ?
i am not sure, i will email her.
she traveled the world
when melted nuclear fuel leaks
Crimes against humanity
Tepco said it’s sorry
Can anything be worse than a pile of radioactive sewage sludge?
possibly three molten blobs of fissile material
How you gonna stop that?
I beg.
Then what? I ask you, then what?
Waiting for Vulcano………
burns sulfuric acid inside
LOL I wish!!

FUKU HAIKU 6/6/2011

From the NRC “It’s All Good!” Road Trip:
drafting a chicken ordinance
Well, my body appears in several
graham crackers on my tummy
Yes, I felt it, and heard it.
Obscene
even the CIA is in on this one
it is Bilderberg week too!
…disasters await.
look up operating room fires
Facebook killed my parents
REALLY ?…..I mean .R E A L L Y ? ? ?
That was soo yesterdays news
the game of life isn’t worth this cranium boggling risk
no one here greets anyone
I NEED CANDY
But how will they identify our bodies?!
mid atlantic ridge

FUKU HAIKU 6/5/2011

Tiring making these videos and then you get censored!!!
petitelapgiraffe.com
Perv’O meter lvl 69 !
You’re the artist
gross baby plastic head things
slide the garbage out
she’s next door babe
>>> I LUB YOU <<<
The Bard from the bar…
he swore on the Bible to respect democracy
Who is this ?
The answer my friend……is blowing in the wind…….
Heisenberg’s uncertainty principle
I wish someone famous would bloody speak out!
“FUKU is a MESS!!!”
you know what they say about the squeaky wheel.
We are All Fukushima’ed Now
Krakatoa comes to mind
30 foot ash piles
Go to 11:40 for the bullcrap
the loudest sound in recorded history
40-50 million pounds of uranium
they may come here looking to be freed

FUKU HAIKU 6/4/2011

Cool volcano eruption
9 floods & 4 wildfire alerts
some fool was doing a BBQ
FIRE ?! LOL
get out quick
do a STOP DROP and ROLL
How about I go make a earthquake globe picture for you?
what to do to get it to quit ?
whatever the Backsteet boys guy was called
a gift from the bitter banned ?
make sure there are no trapped souls
What day is it???
Time to watch the reactors
Every 2 minutes is extreme!
YES ! The big blue ones
Sorry, I lost my unit converter
Me-owww!!!!
We’re in the company of Bond girls!
Not an Uzi, but…
I can’t stop laughing, it’s so weird
I bet it uses D cells
You are not alone

FUKU HAIKU 6/4/2011 The long-form

Shells began to detonate at an artillery depot
China has dropped 97% of its holdings in U.S. Treasury bills
the camera was still vibrating for another 10 seconds
two fires in the last couple of weeks
millions of pounds of disruption

I’m picturing sloshing going on
It’s Friday night bound to be some sloshing going on
Don’t you cuss and point that finger at me.
Are you on a boat?

What is this bullshit
freedom is shot to hell
sickening.
treat the press like criminals
we are all slaves for the rich and greedy.
I was trying to sound upbeat

“They” would have to shoot me to stop me from looking for my children.
Follow the money
unit 1 is at atmospheric pressure…
Hmmmmmm, 3.1 Baja Mexico
All’s fine
nothing to see here

FUKU HAIKU After Midnight – 6.3.2011

So how are all my lovely scribblers doing??
way to rub it in, Braggy McBoasterton.
Caesium, iodine, ruthenium, promethium, strontium, plutonium, radium…
Oooh I like pearls! They’re little balls!
I am so not the man to help with a newbie
good thing i paid attention and did not go wild
that was soooo bad.LOL

I have to go and get my rats
Can we expect hermaphrodites?
I like tater tots!!!!
We will have to look for more articles/references

13,000 evacuated in Volga area
it is not physically possible
So this would be a bad time to bring up Eunuchs?
soooo bad. LOL

I was chastised for asking about a rear entry to a house
his lover was a man named Hephaestion
I wish I knew more Spanish.
that was
soooo
bad.
LOL

FUKU HAIKU 6.2.2011

BigBear is predicted to rock even harder
hormonal chicken or mad cow???
Out for a much needed massage…
Against my religion
Rapeseed and sunflowers– plants that absorb radioactive substances
eventually someone will blurt out LET THEM EAT CAKE
40,000 hectares of rice will be out of production
Napoleon’s a must see…
They’re actually launching batteries of surface to air missles
YOU WILL BE MODERATED OUT
Pro Nuke Pro Nuke Pro Nuke Pro Nuke Pro Nuke
Somebody get Veen his pacifier please.
4.9 Sikkim India
i mean the ISLAND of Japan is shakin
you should wear it on a topless muscular body
some look like Don Knots
Silence of the Lambs a la Tiffany, no ?
(I don’t wanna get the hose again)
This is not the end. It is not even the beginning of the end

FUKU HAIKU 6/1/2011

Millions of people are praying for a miracle
I may need a scuba tank
I LIKE PIE !!
the suction attempt was fun to watch
I AM feeling strangely sentimental and affectionate
Oh Bite me ))
The 4.7 magnitude earthquake was centered in Niigata
The weather sucks!
there are no fears of tsunami.
But you can roll em up like a taco
Just remember it’s a tool
Noooo crying Veenie!
ARRRRRR with all those lights matey
Well, it was nice….good luck

FUKU Midnight HAIKU 5/29/2011

The wind will blow the air particles
The “it will dilute” BS is officially over
Cooling system stops at No.5 reactor
Tepco deserves the Godzilla facepalm award
which means 18 to 30 foot waves = flooding
Its tail could be seen elongating substantially
Is it safe? Is it safe?
Can’t talk, i gut mah pacifyer
Radioactive iodine heading for west coast
Sandbags. ohboy…
Woe to those left to pay the piper
I think all my friends are brain dead
not that bad unless you have a smoking pile of radioactive crap

FUKU HAIKU 5.27.2011 10:30 pm

I wish it was bigger. 🙁
I feel drawn to her mouth for some reason?
only way to find the mole
I am going to send the scary clown baby to my sister!
everyone gets rid of stress in different ways
it was a rough day in Barcelona
That’s a non sequitur.
Authorities struggle to slaughter livestock
I think its called Soccer in these parts

FUKU HAIKU 5.27.2011 1 am

OMG earless bunnies now the cats are not safe either.
There’s a newly discovered lizard with 2 penises.
Welcome to Late Night FUKULand
sock puppets. drugged puppies. astroturf.
Don’t get sassy missy or I’ll do it again.
I think I need applause
you’re bleeding your own blood and your sweater is ruined
Astronomers Spot a Newfound Piece of the Milky Way
Lethbridgean – Stop saying reach-around!
where in the Hell is MsinLA?

=======
(One for the Tech/News board) J

FUKU HAIKU 5.23.11

now to find the molten mess
complete meltdown within the hour
China syndrome for Japan
melted pile of fuel in 3.5 hours
More beer needed!
I have never served lunch under an ash cloud
200Sv is instant death, right?
cool the blob so it doesn’t move any further
“cold shutdown” vs “Crap bad big mess”
Yeap!

=======

FUKU HAIKU (sometime in May?)

Hungover.
Typhoon approaching the Philippines
29 minutes ago Guerrero, Mexico 4.0
I have missed your smiling face!
5.0 earthquake, southern Sumatra, Indonesia
earless bunnies are not all that uncommon

FUKU HAIKU 5/24/11

Rob!!! WTF is that???
It’s just. not. normal.
Salu I am having a hard time believing THAT size
Don’t you think she froze a water balloon ?
it was really irregular and lumpy.
Lumpy yes, pointy no.
Skeptical baby is skeptical.
Rob now I want Trix.
Go berzerker girl!
black smoke rising above #1

GOOGLE “News” Top Stories Haiku- 5/18/2011 (** this is real!)

Arnold Schwarzenegger
Lars von Trier
Dominique Strauss-Kahn
American Idol
CBS
Bashar al-Assad
Mobile and Wireless
PlayStation Network
Maine
Tylenol

FukuHaiku 5/15/2011

4.9 Santa Cruz Isle
DOWN BILL GODDAMMIT!!! BILL!!! GODDAMMIT!!!”
Not a good place for an accident!
Debra Beckham . you are a historian.
ohhh morphing and animating, I like that 🙂
Scared away by a few lousy headhunters!
We had a big collection of spears and shields as well

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